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“She deserves to be disrespected”—and every lie I hate.

  • Writer: Khiel Precious Flores
    Khiel Precious Flores
  • Feb 19, 2021
  • 5 min read



How tragic it is that as a woman, I crumble at the thought of going outside alone?

When I tell you that, it means that no matter how hard I try to be the strongest person I can be, this world still makes my whole body shake of fear. I was and still am afraid that this world can tear my chest open, smash my heart on my very face and everyone will still think it’s okay just because I’m a girl.

This is not to say that I hate being a girl, I am and will always be proud of being a woman. This is to say that women are ironically expected to shrink themselves because a woman who fights is too strong to ever be a woman. Yet, I don’t think you can be a woman and not be strong at all.


I never walked alone peacefully. All the times that I am alone, all those days, I can tell you hundreds of stories about some guy giving unsolicited opinions and sexist remarks about me. It scares me to death knowing that this is what normal looks like in a life of a woman. I am enraged, and heartbroken, and dismayed.

I will never forget this one time at my university when a professor, who is a woman, decided to make me stand up on our first day of class and lectured about respect. It was our first meeting with her, and I was in my first year of college so what else did I expect than a warm and sweet welcome?


I should’ve known better.

She made me stand up without even knowing my name. That time, I was wearing a long skirt that almost touches the floor paired with a tank top which I think fair enough for our room temperature. Mind you that it was mid-June, we had no electric fan, we don’t have any uniform policy on our department and I am not the only one wearing a tank top. Anyway, I stood up.


I will never forget what she said to the whole class while she used me as an example.


“Iyan, tignan n’yo siya, maganda siya ‘di ba? Oo. Pero sa suot niya na ‘yan, kapag may nambastos sa kaniya. Kasalanan niya. Kapag lumakad siya at may nambastos sa kaniya, kasalanan niya. Tignan niyo ang suot niya.”

There, look at her. She’s beautiful, right? However, considering what she's wearing, if someone disrespects her, it would be her fault. If she walks (in the hallway) and someone disrespects her, then it’s her fault. Just look at what she’s wearing.

There were silence.


I knew I needed to speak. All the time I dedicated in making a thesis about sexism and feminism before entering this college should not be put to waste. I wanted to, but I was so close to crying. I am so ashamed of myself that time, not because of what I wear but because of my silence. I half smile, I think I half laugh, too. I wanted to believe it was a joke. This shouldn’t be happening on my first day.

Everyone was staring at me and I didn’t know what to react. Did she just use me as an excuse for male assault?



I felt sorry for myself for doing nothing. For standing up but not really standing up for myself. I knew that time, I didn’t only fail myself, I failed each and every woman. I could’ve done better. It’s true when they say that some things are easier said than done especially when you are in that very situation. I remember going back home and crying it all out.

Some of my classmates sent a message on our group chat saying that I didn’t deserve that and they know better.

I knew, too, that she’s lying when she said I deserve to be disrespected. Maybe it’s her way of saying that I show too much skin. She’s clearly mistaken my skin for sexual desire and failed to recognize men’s responsibility to control.


Looking back, I realize that I was not the problem. I never believed what she said but I think I’ve learned a lot from her. She made it clear how society views women, and how as a woman, I am more eager to change that. I am never angry at her, I know she has a good heart, but I am always praying and hoping that she can look at herself in the mirror and tell herself that she is very much deserving of respect no matter what she wears. We can always make a change of heart and be better than what we were before. Our past can’t invalidate our progress.

What we wear is not our statement of consent.

You know what? I think, this is one of the very reasons why I never felt safe walking alone. We tell men, we tell ourselves, that sexual assault can always be justified by what a woman wears or do. The more skin she reveals, the greater disrespect she deserves. The responsibility always fall on a woman's shoulder when it should be the perpetrator that should be held accountable.

I can never fathom that idea because if there is one thing that separates human from animals, it would be that humans have logic.

Even if I hate comparing a woman’s body to anything, let me use this analogy. Say, you are in a restaurant, of course, there are different tables with different food in which all of them are wide open and very visible to you. Would it be acceptable if you eat or taste any food that looks tasty to you just because you are hungry and they are showing their food?

No? Yep, as simple as that. Just because you can see it doesn’t mean it’s available for you to feast on. Hence, the idea of consent and respect.

I thought to myself, if we continue to impose the idea of disrespect being justified by what a woman wears, then how tragic can this world be? I realized that little things like calling out a sexist joke, standing up for yourself, disagreeing on someone with discriminating perspective, having a conversation with our friends and families about consent are as important as helping report rape and sexual harassment, asking for help, fighting for equality and joining progressive organizations.

This story is not about men versus women neither it is a long overdue answer to my professor. I long ago turned that story into power. This story is a reminder of what kind of world our little sisters, brothers, daughters and sons are growing up in.


We should start teaching our male friends and family members about the concept of respect that doesn’t only benefit some people but everyone of us, no matter the race, gender, clothes or physical appearance may be. Respect is not subjective, neither it is selective.

Respect should be our heartbeat. No matter where we go, we should have it with us. Respect keeps this world going.

If we let something so little pass, little do we know it’s not passing at all. It’s adding up to a culture of misogyny, rape, sexism, discrimination, fragile masculinity and patriarchy—all of which we should put an end into.


I hope we all realize that if in a place as reputable as a university, a woman can still be discriminated and not be seen as someone worthy of respect, how much more outside? Privilege has always been power, we can use it to make other people’s lives better.


Imagine living in a world that tells you you’re deserving of suffering just because you were born as a girl. Lucky you, you can only imagine.

May we use this story to make this world a better place. This is just one of so many stories I ought to tell. My blood is inked with so much rage, every scar and story is written all over my skin.

Don’t ever tell me that I show too much skin for your liking, I am a tigress that earned her stripes with stories, the world deserves to see this skin and so be it.

3 Comments


Joshua Edward Lasap
Joshua Edward Lasap
Feb 19, 2021

Women is RED

Like

Sheena James Jaime
Sheena James Jaime
Feb 19, 2021


Like

Ashley Aquino
Ashley Aquino
Feb 19, 2021


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